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Waking up early has always been mission impossible for me. Not that I sleep like a log on any normal days,�but the fact that getting to sleep and getting back to sleep after waking has always been daunting tasks, so usually by dawn, Iapos;ve tired myself out enough�for a deep slumber.

And the record goes way back to those school days when I was a student councilor. How ironic it was, for�a�gate-guarding councilor to be on the other side�of the�gate and sweet-talking to get in And it wouldnapos;t make any difference even on examination days.

Somehow, magically, Iapos;ve not let myself down today�nor closed a chapter on morning races. And Iapos;m surprised what 100+ does for me

*Salutes* 100+ for being my saving�grace.
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Like many people that I know, I was raised to believe that there is a God and that he/she controls and created everything.� When I was unsure about the way something worked, I believed that angels, God, or Jesus made it work.� Lightning was Jesus playing with Heavenapos;s light switch, thunder was angels bowling, wind was God whistling, waves were made by Jesus playing in the ocean, and windmills were pushed by angels.� Those make perfect sense to a child that has no other knowledge about the subject and wonapos;t question it once it makes sense.� Today as I drove to work I watched the windmills outside Dodge Center and was reminded of my childhood theory on the workings of windmills.� Thatapos;s when I started to think about all the religion driven thoughts I used to have and how they make no sense to me anymore.� I used to wholeheartedly believe that everything was somehow influenced by the divine.� Now, not so much.� I stopped seeing the universe in terms of godly influence and in terms of mathematical and scientific laws.� Iapos;ve read both the Bible and also the Quran out of curiosity and while I found them full of wonderful stories, I have trouble believing religious works anymore.� I keep finding far too many contradictions for me to find anything in them credible.� Just the simple concept of whether or not killing is wrong is contradicted over and over.� Thereapos;s also so much scientific evidence that conflicts with many biblical ideas.� The Bible tells us the world is only a few thousand years old but fossils and rock dating tells us that the earth is billions of years old.� Weapos;re also told to believe that everything was created in a week and that nothing has changed.� Man and dinosaurs supposedly walked the earth together and one only survived because of a large boat.� Are we to believe that God just decided he didnapos;t like some of the animals he made and wiped them out for the heck of it?� And what about neanderthals, cro magnons, and other proto humans?� We keep finding their skeletons but the Bible says that they could have never existed.� Not only this but many of the things we once believe could only be done by God, weapos;re now discovering ways to do.� Cloning is a way of creating life, we can create stars and possibly black holes.�� We also have the capability to destroy our solar system.� Once upon a time, God was the only creator and destroyer and now we can do both.� With greater understanding on the workings of our universe, more and more religious ideas stop making sense.� In the book of Genesis, Adam and Eve were punished for eating from the Tree of Knowledge.� Does that mean that knowledge is religionapos;s or even Godapos;s enemy?� Am I and others who thirst for knowledge and understanding the enemies of God?� All of this begs the greater question.� Did God create man or did man create God?� I still believe in a higher being and an afterlife...but I donapos;t think I can call myself Christian anymore.� If you can still believe in the religion you belong to then I applaud you for having that much faith.� As for me, I just donapos;t know anymore.
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Ive noticed the way nighttime falls quickly and�darkness no longer falls slowly. Twilight is now just a fraction of what it once was. The entire valley has been painted yellow and tonight im drinking my night away. White wine, red wine, beer, hard alcohol...etc you name it, ive consumed it tonight...feeling a certain way tonight. Perhaps i am unable to pinpoint exactly which way, but im definitely feeling a certain way to have gotten this far tonight. My 3rd day at the casino today. Really excited for it, really excited to put a lot of this stuff weapos;ve been talking about into action, but im also worried about doing a good enough job, and also worried to be working with some of the people ive been training with. Im really feeling weird tonight. Jates txt msged me while i was at the casino. Really random but she told me she had appendicitis and had to have her appendix removed. So shes been out of comission for the past week. I deleted her number from my phone but i guess she didnt delete mine. Idk. Im just feeling really weird. Been wanting to write. Been wanting to ride my bike. Been wanting to take photos and finish some things ive left undone. My goal tonight is to get very buzzed...right to the brink of drunkeness so that i may not feel anything tonight. Thus far that goal has been achieved. Goodnight.

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Book Meme
* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
* Donapos;t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

Well, because I saw this at work, the closest book is Joint Publication 1-02, Department of Defense Dictionary of Military and Associated Terms.� And as close as it gets to the fifth sentence is this entry:

Axis of advance - A line of advance assigned for purposes of control; often a road or a group of roads, or a designated series of locations, extending in the direction of the enemy.

There is no entry for "Axis of Evil."
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So Iapos;m watching Indy 4 (GOOOOOOO�SHIA) and Iapos;m staring at my DVD bookcase and I realize thereapos;s an open shelf... Obviously the only thing to do is create a Shia Shelf

My DVD bookcase:



My new Shia Shelf


Iapos;ve got the ones that heapos;s starred in on the right - easier for me to see from my couch ;) - and the ones that he was awesome in, but only had a small part, on the left...

My housemates mock me, but I know Iapos;m awesome ;) (or I really really really need to get a job...)


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�And so ends another �hiatus.�

Iapos;m no longer working at the �hospital. Internal politics got bad enough that I was ejected, and Iapos;m not entirely �unhappy about that. �Iapos;m currently �working at a �friendapos;s �office as a �content �manager �or sorts �while �looking for either another venture �or building a feasible �plan to ditch the country. I have some decent cash stashed, but no plan. �I need a �plan, preferably �one that �includes nuclear drills boring �into the planetapos;s core and a �nice �interlude so i can brag and expose my entire scheme �before some seemingly-neutralized �nemesis.


In other �news...holy shit, the �marketapos;s �loopy. At �first I could keep track of what was going �bad and why, but �by now �it has devolved �into a busload �of epileptics trying to play high-stakes Roulette at �Vegas.

On the bright side, Krugman got the Nobel. �His work on economic geography �was �one �of the first �texts �of the genre i read and probably �the �one that got �me thunking "Hey, this �makes sense after all, itapos;s not so arcane" For someone like �me who is deathly afraid �of �math, finding �people who can show no monster �in the closet is always a treat.

On the sad side, John Dolan, one �of �my favorite writers and essayists, seems to be going through a Jobe-like streak of �poverty and necessity. �Itapos;s always depressing to see �people who are �-way- more talented that yourselfgo through a rough patch. :(
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Itapos;s so nice to be back at school I missed all of you so much, Iapos;m sorry I�left without a reason. A family emergency arose so I�had to rush right home. You see, mom caught a nasty flu and was out of commission for quite some time. So while dad panicked in his normal way, I went home and helped out with the preschool. It was so nice to see the kids again. And all of them missed me too... Theyapos;re so sweet

Thankfully mom is back in action now and she�hurried me back to school. She felt so bad for taking me away from my studies, but I�told her that family was much more important. Besides, itapos;s not like I canapos;t catch up if I try. Iapos;m sure my professors will give me some time to get back into the swing of things. Looking at the schedule, there seem to be many new classes since I was last here. This is so exciting I wonder what new ones I should take. Anyone have any suggestions?

I bet you all had some fun�times while I was away. If you donapos;t mind, would someone please tell me what happened? I canapos;t wait to hear about all the interesting and amazing things that happened since I�was gone.

Just walking around the campus, Iapos;ve already seen plenty of new faces. For those who I havenapos;t met yet, my name is Paula Polestar. Itapos;s a pleasure to meet you

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Iapos;m like totally anti-social lately. Even though on Thursday I had a great night at work, I came home feeling quite... Happy. It was actually quite creepy. But still, socializing is so not on my list of things I want to do. Could be because I had to cashier more than normal these past two weeks. God damn customers. They just ruin your taste for people.

I got my hair cut. Layers, bangs, shoulder length. Thinking about dying it red or something, streaking again, maybe. I did blue and purple, I need a really vibrant red. That was the original plan, like 5 years ago. Did blue for Sorinapos;s hair. Did purple for Athanialapos;s hair. Red was for Atreapos;s hair, but I just never got around to it.

Letapos;s see... News news news... Apparently thereapos;s a new Call of Duty coming out next month and I didnapos;t even know about it. How am I supposed to split time between Call of Duty and Gears of War? Jeff wants us all to get together for Call of Duty, since itapos;s going to have 4-player co-op on campaign mode. Not too many people have seen my true gaming colours. When I play campaign on a war game, I curse. Alot. Maybe because I suck, but yeah. Iapos;m probably going to scare the neighbours. Ugh.

Oh. Abyssion pissed all over the couch. Okay, not ALL OVER, but she did piss on the couch. Iapos;m really, really, really not happy with her lately. So now Iapos;m looking up how to clean piss out of upholstery. Totally what I want to be doing in my spare time. I have better things to be googling.

Got 3rd season of Supernatural. I donapos;t think Iapos;ve laughed so much in ages. hearts; Be done this in a few days, and then I have to catch up with whatapos;s been going on so far.

Aaaaand, thatapos;s it for now, folks
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