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The two words.. Yeoh and Ok.. What do they mean. Actually until now Iapos;m still trying to figure this out.
Lately we started talking, if you can call that a conversation then why� not. I get up to have the courage to utter two words.. HI Kamusta ka na? Youapos;ll reply Yeoh... Iapos;ll repeat again Howapos;s work you then say again ... Oks lang.. Recently I already knew what your answer will be it wonapos;t� exceed 2 words. After that it will end.Even if I type a million words on YM�, youapos;ll never reply. That� was you seems that it was that forbidden to even talk to me. I was missing you yeah thatapos;s right I ainapos;t over you yet. But our lives move on. You work spend your time at home and your friends. Did I ever cross you mind. Do you even know me still . I would want to gave the link to my journal to you in time Iapos;ll do. Iapos;ll block you from my YM change my phone number if needed. Then Iapos;ll show you what was going in my mind during this time.
I would call myself stupid, aasa pa din ba ako? do I have the rights to ask questions anymore. You despise me I can feel it. But I still try pushing and pushing myself . You know me I have this attitude to never say die. But should my hope die by now. I know a lot of my friends� are hoping that I would never wait for you any more. Lately I no longer wait for your avatar to pop and say .... Is now online . I was busy this past few days. My dream job is� no longer what I wanted it to be. Now no more motivation to stay at this job. I made a mistake I admit, but life moves on unfortunately it was me who was left behind by my friends. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for running after you, for the trouble I have brought in your life. At the same time I now ask myself when do I start moving on..�
The less I think about you. The less I felt numb of pain. I am still in pain because I know I went beyond from what they expect from me to show you how much I love you. But that was not the case. I will stay anonymous in writing this blog, confessing here how much I love you. Maybe this is the only place I can freely say what is in my� mind and in my heart. It is already a year since I met you. The happiness I felt and the sorrow I� had on the duration of loving you, I look above and stare at the stars, If only wishes come true by wishing on each of them, Iapos;ll count each of them just to have this wish granted. I know you call me freak.stalker, weirdo and a bitch. What else would you call me?? I know you at time you pity me, I was the one who ran after you, This evening I tried to strike a conversation with you. The same reply Yeoh and Ok.
When will I stop.
Charles� P. Pantaleon when will may heart stop aching, when will this dillema of thinking about you end.? I ask myself. If you found out about this blog will you even read about this. Will you hate me more? Will you pity me? Will you laugh and say she is totally crazy. Iapos;ll go at the last option I said, this is what you always think about me, I bet.
Do you know that you made me realize a lot of things. You made me feel� something special. But it never lasted long enough. It was a brief. So short I never even knew� if you even felt I was feeling the pain of being set aside, because I was nothing to you.Now I no longer know� if I am capable to love again, If some will accept me after what I did for you/with you. If I will be happy with someone again. If I want to dream again. Now I look ugly and want to stay ugly. There is no more reason to fix myself. You made me realize that I never can be likeable, I was just everybodyapos;s companion and nothing more.� My dad called me fatgirl I said to myself , I should go on a diet now but I donapos;t want to anymore, if I die early no one will mourn,� they will remember me for a day or a week after that no one knows me anymore. Like I said now I have to take care of myself because I am alone, I was always alone. Companionship was my security blanket but in reality no one knows about the loneliness I felt and realized more when I no longer have contact with you.
Itapos;s late now. Remembering we used to hang out until this time, brought me back to tears but I have to stop the tears from falling, it will just be wasted like my feelings for you. Goodnight charles.. But not yet my goodbye and until the day I heartfelt say those words . Iapos;ll just say now see you in my dreams.
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