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Iapos;m like totally anti-social lately. Even though on Thursday I had a great night at work, I came home feeling quite... Happy. It was actually quite creepy. But still, socializing is so not on my list of things I want to do. Could be because I had to cashier more than normal these past two weeks. God damn customers. They just ruin your taste for people.

I got my hair cut. Layers, bangs, shoulder length. Thinking about dying it red or something, streaking again, maybe. I did blue and purple, I need a really vibrant red. That was the original plan, like 5 years ago. Did blue for Sorinapos;s hair. Did purple for Athanialapos;s hair. Red was for Atreapos;s hair, but I just never got around to it.

Letapos;s see... News news news... Apparently thereapos;s a new Call of Duty coming out next month and I didnapos;t even know about it. How am I supposed to split time between Call of Duty and Gears of War? Jeff wants us all to get together for Call of Duty, since itapos;s going to have 4-player co-op on campaign mode. Not too many people have seen my true gaming colours. When I play campaign on a war game, I curse. Alot. Maybe because I suck, but yeah. Iapos;m probably going to scare the neighbours. Ugh.

Oh. Abyssion pissed all over the couch. Okay, not ALL OVER, but she did piss on the couch. Iapos;m really, really, really not happy with her lately. So now Iapos;m looking up how to clean piss out of upholstery. Totally what I want to be doing in my spare time. I have better things to be googling.

Got 3rd season of Supernatural. I donapos;t think Iapos;ve laughed so much in ages. hearts; Be done this in a few days, and then I have to catch up with whatapos;s been going on so far.

Aaaaand, thatapos;s it for now, folks
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"Robbie, can you take an order down to American at ohare?"

"I donapos;t really take deliveries anymore. Uh. Iapos;m still active in the system though. Why?"

"Nobody on this morningapos;s available list is answering their phones. None of the guys I have on the road have a TSA number. I know you have a valid TSA, and youapos;re standing right there. You know Iapos;m at least going to ask."

"Maybe. Whatapos;s it rated at on 60 commission?"

"$85.37"

"ready now?"

"20 minutes."

"oo. Getting paid 85 bucks to go home. Done."

You know, it hasnapos;t occurred to me, even once, to go home/come back on Chicago deliveries. Iapos;m in the system for three companies and I have to update my TSA security assessment annually anyway, so I can prowl the warehouse (and secured areas) unescorted.. Iapos;d make somewhere between $120-$200 for the fucking round trip commute that I was already making... Instead of the $30 Iapos;m spending for each trip.

Why the fuck didnapos;t I consider that before?
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They stand together, holding hands. Their big blue eyes stare at me. Their flawless pale skin covers their small frail bodies. The wind blows their long blonde hair. I watch as they move towards me through the tall grass of the meadow. I stand frozen in place and watch in awe. Each step that brings them closer to me is taken at exactly the same time by each girl. I dont know their names but in my head some small voice tells me they are elizabeth and marie. They stop several feet from me and smile. Pure kindness sparkles in their beautiful eyes. I want to smile back. I want to talk to them but i cant. I cant move, for i am frozen in place. Then the scene changes. The breeze becomes a heavy wind causing clouds to race across the sky and the grass became an angry green sea. The girls still stood there and smiled. Marie giggled and turned her face up to the sky. Their white dresses swirled around them. Then i watched in horror and they begin to fade as if they werent real, but they werent going away. They were fading together, becoming one person. Another girl took the twins place, except she was exactly the same. The only differnece was the look in her eyes. Fear and anger replaced the happiness. She turned slowly and left me, even more confused.
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Fabrice Florin, an MGP alum and founder of Newstrust, nas been elected an shoka Fellow for his work as a social entrepreneur to promote quality journalism online.

See: http://blog.newstrust.net/2008/10/newstrust-found.html Also: http://newstrust.net/members/fabrice-florin

The Ashoka Fellowship includes a three-year stipend for Florin's efforts to create "lasting, visible, systemic change in the way society sees journalism." Fabrice will become a lifelong member of the Ashoka community, which includes over 2,000 social entrepreneurs worldwide, working in economic development, education, human rights and other fields.

See: http://www.ashoka.org/about

Florin calls the fellowship a key milestone for NewsTrust (newstrust.net). Not only will it provide much-needed financial support, but he calls it an important validation of our social news network's potential for social change -- as a compelling example of how news consumers and journalists can join forces online to find quality news coverage.

"I've always believed that good information is as important to society as clean water is to the environment," Fabrice said. "In our increasingly polluted media landscape, I see a real and growing need for quality information -- and news literacy tools to tell good journalism apart from misinformation. I want to bring these public services to millions of people, so we can filter news and information collectively, based on shared values that make us better informed as

Citizens. "

Ashoka: Innovators for the Public, created the journalism fellowship program in February, in partnership with the Knight Foundation, with the goal of identifying "outstanding individuals with ideas that will have far-reaching impact on the field and practice of journalism, using Knight Foundation's definition of good journalism -- the fair, accurate contextual search for truth."

"This is quite an honor, coming from the folks who coined the word 'social entrepreneur,'" Fabrice said. "This gives me a special responsibility to bring this service to a broader community."

In related news, NewsTrust just launched a new version of its website:

See: http://newstrust.net/about/news/press_release_1006.htm And: http://blog.newstrust.net/2008/10/our-new-site-ju.html http://blog.newstrust.net/2008/10/newstrust-found.html

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�

The two words.. Yeoh and Ok.. What do they mean. Actually until now Iapos;m still trying to figure this out.

Lately we started talking, if you can call that a conversation then why� not. I get up to have the courage to utter two words.. HI Kamusta ka na? Youapos;ll reply Yeoh... Iapos;ll repeat again Howapos;s work you then say again ... Oks lang.. Recently I already knew what your answer will be it wonapos;t� exceed 2 words. After that it will end.Even if I type a million words on YM�, youapos;ll never reply. That� was you seems that it was that forbidden to even talk to me. I was missing you yeah thatapos;s right I ainapos;t over you yet. But our lives move on. You work spend your time at home and your friends. Did I ever cross you mind. Do you even know me still . I would want to gave the link to my journal to you in time Iapos;ll do. Iapos;ll block you from my YM change my phone number if needed. Then Iapos;ll show you what was going in my mind during this time.

I would call myself stupid, aasa pa din ba ako? do I have the rights to ask questions anymore. You despise me I can feel it. But I still try pushing and pushing myself . You know me I have this attitude to never say die. But should my hope die by now. I know a lot of my friends� are hoping that I would never wait for you any more. Lately I no longer wait for your avatar to pop and say .... Is now online . I was busy this past few days. My dream job is� no longer what I wanted it to be. Now no more motivation to stay at this job. I made a mistake I admit, but life moves on unfortunately it was me who was left behind by my friends. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for running after you, for the trouble I have brought in your life. At the same time I now ask myself when do I start moving on..�

The less I think about you. The less I felt numb of pain. I am still in pain because I know I went beyond from what they expect from me to show you how much I love you. But that was not the case. I will stay anonymous in writing this blog, confessing here how much I love you. Maybe this is the only place I can freely say what is in my� mind and in my heart. It is already a year since I met you. The happiness I felt and the sorrow I� had on the duration of loving you, I look above and stare at the stars, If only wishes come true by wishing on each of them, Iapos;ll count each of them just to have this wish granted. I know you call me freak.stalker, weirdo and a bitch. What else would you call me?? I know you at time you pity me, I was the one who ran after you, This evening I tried to strike a conversation with you. The same reply Yeoh and Ok.
When will I stop.

Charles� P. Pantaleon when will may heart stop aching, when will this dillema of thinking about you end.? I ask myself. If you found out about this blog will you even read about this. Will you hate me more? Will you pity me? Will you laugh and say she is totally crazy. Iapos;ll go at the last option I said, this is what you always think about me, I bet.

Do you know that you made me realize a lot of things. You made me feel� something special. But it never lasted long enough. It was a brief. So short I never even knew� if you even felt I was feeling the pain of being set aside, because I was nothing to you.Now I no longer know� if I am capable to love again, If some will accept me after what I did for you/with you. If I will be happy with someone again. If I want to dream again. Now I look ugly and want to stay ugly. There is no more reason to fix myself. You made me realize that I never can be likeable, I was just everybodyapos;s companion and nothing more.� My dad called me fatgirl I said to myself , I should go on a diet now but I donapos;t want to anymore, if I die early no one will mourn,� they will remember me for a day or a week after that no one knows me anymore. Like I said now I have to take care of myself because I am alone, I was always alone. Companionship was my security blanket but in reality no one knows about the loneliness I felt and realized more when I no longer have contact with you.

Itapos;s late now. Remembering we used to hang out until this time, brought me back to tears but I have to stop the tears from falling, it will just be wasted like my feelings for you. Goodnight charles.. But not yet my goodbye and until the day I heartfelt say those words . Iapos;ll just say now see you in my dreams.











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Just speaking to a few friends, and they have said they canapos;t believe how cold Kirsty is being towards the whole situation the last few times they saw her. Is she trying to ignore how painful this all is? Does she think this wonapos;t hurt it she acts like I mean nothing to her? Again, this makes me wonder if she does still have feelings. Everytime I hear the front door open I think she will walk through, but it never is. Iapos;m off to work now, maybe that will occupy me. Iapos;m working five days in a row now, so maybe that will occupy my mind a bit.

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Today was an exciting day. I got my nose pierced and I got my tattoo YAY go me. Both things didnapos;t even really hurt. It was bizarre. That tat hurt a little bit but only in certain spots. My nose didnapos;t bleed at all (unlike Kimapos;s which gushed). In case you didnapos;t know what tattoo I was planning on getting... I got the white tree of gondor in the center of my back just below my bra line. It was an amazing experience and I kinda want another one (tattoo or piercing) but I prolly wonapos;t. But time will tell. I canapos;t put pics up on facebook cuz of me mother so Iapos;ll email some to you when Kim gets them on the computer.

Im such a nerd when I went in to get my piercing (which was originally all I went for) all I could think about was season 1 Justin getting his nipple pierced.

Love and miss you all

CHRISTINE: I will see you in 2 weeks CANT WAIT Youapos;ll have to help me wash the tat

TORI: 42 more days till I come visit

ALEX: I will be home the weekend of Oct 24. SEE ME (and christine on the 25th)

JESSE: I NEED TO SEE PRONTO
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